Bomb Squad
by Yanagi-wa
Summary: They need this class for the paper. Or do they? One shot


"All right! Who in this room knows how to build a home made claymore mine?" The TI, a slender dark skinned man with an aggressive buzz cut, looked around expectantly. Four hands went up. "Anyone else?" No one else raised their hand. "I'm a bit disappointed."

A burly man with a missing finger grinned then said, "But we all can't be junior terrorists."

Duo snorted, "I resemble that, Taylor."

Heero just glowered at the instructor. The only reason he was even in here was that he needed the class hours on his jacket. Behind him, Wufei and Trowa managed not to snicker, much.

The Master Gunnery Sergeant Madigan nodded then barked, "Alright, gentlemen. As this is an advanced class you have exactly fifteen minutes and access to the supply closet. Get going!"

Duo and Heero were a team as were Wufei and Trowa, the rest of the class had counted off and paired up before the class started. Now, they worked like well oiled machines and had their work done in much less than fifteen minutes. Several other groups gave up at the ten minute mark and a few were still working at fifteen minutes when the instructor called a halt.

"Ok, people, I hope you did a safe job as you will now be moving your ordinance to the bomb field for disposal.

Duo snatched up his claymore and Heero hurried to open the doors for him. Trowa followed closely with theirs while Wufei snickered a bit then followed him out. Most of the rest of the class followed, with or without ordinance, except for one pair. They were kept back the second MGS Madigan got a good look at their work.

One of the pair asked, "How bad is it?"

The instructor looked at the last claymore and sighed "Bad! Get out and run ten laps then go home, permanently." then sent for the disposal squad.

The disposal squad was out on call so he brought in his best friend who was a retired disposal expert and the on-site advisor to look at the disaster that one of his pairs had created.

"Well, it's really bad. They drenched the C6 with some bio-diesel and it's unstable. And they used a mercury switch but they put it in upside down. I wouldn't move that on a bet. And what the hell made you think building a bomb in the classroom was a good idea?" he rubbed his face wearily. His friend was in deep shit and they both knew it.

"Well, all this bunch are experienced men. I figured ... what the hell. I mean, it seemed like a good idea at the time." His shamefaced expression made his friend just sigh again.

"Ok, ok. I'll see what I can do. Let me get my kit. On second thought, you come too, I don't want you doing something stupid." So they left to get a kit, completely forgetting to lock the door.

Heero and Duo's claymore went off with a satisfying thud and so did Trowa and Wufei's.

Duo dusted off his hands and said, "Well, we better get back to the classroom. Wouldn't do for us to get a black mark for slacking. Come on."

They returned to the room to let their compatriots deal with their failures without them snickering themselves to death.

Duo opened the door, looking over his shoulder to speak to Heero. "Yeah, and I'd rather leave them to their fizzles without our criticisms on top of the ID's flack." He turned to his desk then goggled. "Oh, shit! Heero tell me I'm not looking at what I think I'm looking at."

Heero looked then said softly, "Sorry, I promised never to lie to you. That's ..."

Wufei grumbled, "A mess. Ok, draw straws or rock, paper, scissors?"

Duo just grinned, one of those wild, maniacal ones that had made very one cringe. "Nope, no way. You all know I'm the only one with the skills to do the job before the diesel fucks that switch. Oh, nice, it's upside down too. After I'm done here, I want a word with our instructor and who ever made this ... fucked up excuse for a claymore. Who the hell uses a mercury switch in a claymore anyway."

"Alliance." And with that Trowa tugged Wufei out the door so they wouldn't distract Duo.

Duo picked things out of his braid and pulled a kit out of a thigh pocket then he got to work.

It only took him a minute to clip the wires from the detonating switch. He then removed it from the lump of C6 and tossed it to Heero. It went off with a muted pop.

Heero just dropped it on the floor and kicked it out the door. Duo pulled a containment bag out of another pocket and bagged the C6.

"There we go. I swear, I'm gonna go Shinigami on whoever made this and I want a word with the TI too. Several of them ... all profane." Heero rolled his eyes at Wufei and Trowa. They were peeking in the door, concerned at the tone of Duo's voice.

Just then, the TI and his friend returned with a kit. Duo was in their faces in a second.

"Ok, exactly what the fucking hell were you thinking? One, allowing a bunch of idiots to make bombs inside Preventers HQ. Oh, and as an aside, I should have thought of it myself but two, why the devil did you just leave a bomb in a classroom while you wandered off into the ozone? Please explain this to me. Before I cut you open like a fish and use your guts for garters."

Wufei clutched Trowa's shoulder to keep from laughing out loud, or falling down. Trowa leaned against the wall to keep both of them upright.

It was really amusing to see two grizzled veterans brace to attention before a boy half their size.

MGS Madigan stammered for a moment, never thinking that Duo shouldn't be addressing him in that tone or with profanity. He just gulped and stammered, "Well, it seemed like a good idea until everything went tits up. Then ... Une is going to castrate me. Then post me in Outer Podunk."

Duo snorted, "I'd be sending you out to fucking East of West Jesus. And while we're discussing this totally fucked up situation..." He handed the bag to the disposal expert. "do something with this that won't get anyone killed."

MGS Madigan watched with some disgust as his friend dropped from Attention, grabbed the bag and abandoned him to his fate. Shinigami had scared him good.

Duo then ambled toward the door. MGS Madigan cleared his throat and asked, "What the hell are you doing in this class?"

Heero answered this from his lean against the wall. "Paper. We need certification to prove that we can do what we've been doing since we were ten." with that acidic comment ringing in the air, he straightened up and followed his lover out the door.

This left MGS Madigan standing in the middle of the room, shaking and wondering if he shouldn't just go home and send in a letter of resignation. Any one who couldn't stare down a nineteen-year-old needed to rethink things.

Shinigami snickered silently in the back of Duo's brain, it was nice to get out, once in a while.


End file.
